Doggy Duty

Darren thinks that we need a German Shepard to add to our dog collection. I think he is wrong. I believe that we should get a Belgian Malinois. Before I go any further on the dog adoption subject though there a few things I think you should know. Darren is terrified of dogs, especially BIG dogs and I grew up around large and small dogs so I am good either way. He does not have the full comprehension of big dogs taking big dumps. Like dude, this dog is going to drop a deuce the size of your beachball shaped nugget and you have to clean it up! These dogs have to brushed all the time and I can't even get you to brush your teeth first thing in the morning. If I go back to when we adopted our sweet little blonde sausage, Rilee I told Darren that it was HIS dog and that she would be his responsibility, that I would not be taking care of that dog and that he will be taking the dog to all vet appointments. He agreed so we signed the paperwork and brought her home from the shelter. Within 4 hours of being home from the shelter I was the proud new dog mom of Rilee Jean and he was nowhere to be found. To this day I do not know where he went. He could have been whacking the weasel in the spare bedroom or in some random corner of the house touching himself. Two weeks after getting Rilee we inherited A.J. and everything changed all over again. A.J. was the sweetest little puppy and she loved to snuggle her momma. She was perfect! Long story short A.J. got attacked by a pitbull while we were camping (she was on her leash and the pit charged our camper) a few years back and her whole attitude changed. She is glued to me at all times now. She is a little dynamite packed demon dog.

Our little Rille is obese and I have done everything I can to help her shed the pounds but Darren does not understand that she just cant have a treat every single time she does something. With her being a little more heavy set it means that she has gas a little more than other dogs as well. So look at it this way, when your big St. Bernard is running around the house letting out little poot poots my chihuahua is trying to start a nuclear war with her butthole. No joke, those suckers can take down a small country. I will give a little example of how I know they are THAT bad. The other night I was laying in bed after a long day of doing nothing and I started dozing in and out and eventually faded into that weird in between sleep stage. No worries though something eventually wakes me up and it wasn't natural. Not even of this world. It was a mid level hissing noise that was deadly and terrifying and as I opened my eyes and tried to focus on what was in front me I was completely frozen with fear of dog ass pink eye. Rilee's bunghole was lined up perfectly with my eyeball and she was letting those puppies fly right into my retna. She moaned with relief and I cried with terror as my one good eye tried to run out of the socket and save itself. At this point you could just slap my ass and call me Ruby Sue because I was crosseyed as all get out. I start yelling for someone to drag me to safety and Rilee jumps off the bed while simultaniously screaming and ripping ass. She screams, I scream, we all scream for fresh air. By the time I made it back to bed it was too late for us and my trust had been broken. She had to sleep at the foot of the bed that night.

As I am currently typing this she is laying on her "chilly pad" in her "condo" staring at me in disguist and yes,I am staring right back at her.

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