I Don't Have My Shit Together

I love running seeing people from my past that weren't total dicks to me in school. Today I saw one of my few high school crushes. He was a sweet, tall and charismatic guy that could make every guy jealous and any girl blush. I on the other hand just blended in with the wallpaper. Like, I easily melted into the carpet when the pretty girls were around. But anyways, back to what I was saying, I was at work today and I went to go check on my staff and low and behold this guy just looks at me and says, "Is your name Chelsea?" and I course I responded, "yes" but with sheer panic in my voice, only the panic that an asswipe customer can cause. He pulled his mask down and said, "Hi! I'm BLANK". I almost shit my pants. of course he was still good looking and of course i was thinking to myself, please don't be a dumbass. so what did I do? WHAT DID I DO??? I was a fucking dumbass. He on the other hand was cool as a cucumber, as always. He asked me what i had been up to and i oh so casually answered with, "fucking up my life." He looked shocked and I looked ashamed. We talked about our mutual feelings about Topeka being a dump and then I blurted out, "yeah, it's like everyone we went to school with has gotten divorced" knowing damn good and well that he got divorced. Stupid, just stupid. We both laughed and I scampered away like a hurt puppy. I hope and pray that one day if loneliness ever finds me that I never see him again because that conversation was painful for me. I don't know why I had to make him so aware that I don't have my shit together but when I want to make an ass of myself I sure know how to do it up right.

-Chels O.

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