Stay Limpin' Pimpin'

Today at work Darren called to inform me that a ghost from his past is now employed at his work again. I appreciate the heads up but it still was not the phone call that I wanted to receive. After a quick two name guessing game of who I thought it might be the mystery was solved. It was "her". She is a wretched, mean, deceitful, lying ugly excuse of a human being. Last I knew she moved to Tennessee or some place like that. We will call her "M".

Years ago back when Darren and I got together she told him that she THOUGHT I stole his credit card and used it for beers and pizza at Old Chicago. Shortly after Darren and I moved in together "M" told one of his daughters that she should, "throw all of my shit on the front lawn so that that way she and Darren could get back together". That bitch has always rubbed me the wrong way and I will never like her.

Fast forward to me getting off work tonight and going to the bar to go see Darren at work, lo and behold there "M" was in all of her mask wearing apron toting glory. She looked at me and I looked at her. We both had clear disgust on our faces. Darren is now staring me down as I am chewing the inside of my mouth completely raw (a nervous habit of mine) and she is trying to stick her pig like nose up in the air as far as possible, like enough to reach an archangels asshole. So Darren being his charming self tries to ask me what my plans are for tonight to change the subject and I loudly proclaim that I am going home to get on Amazon and buy a harpoon just in case she gets near me. He tells me to be nice but I refuse to do so. He tells me that he wants a smart watch if I'm ordering anything and I told him that he needed to walk with the Lord before I buy him anything. He squawks out that he, "walks a straight line" and my response was that he "walks one of them sobriety lines". He laughs, I glare. He once again reassures me that I have nothing to worry abought and I made it clear that I know that. Before I left the bar I made one last LOUD proclamation and it went a little something like this, "cheating on me might be easy but so is me busting your knees so stay faithful or stay limpin' pimpin'". I thought he was going to shit his pants.

I am now at home drinking a beer and pissed at the world. If anyone needs me I will have my fat ass firmly planted on the couch while holding my dogs against their will and giving them hugs and kisses. Ugh, men.

Chels O.

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